In the end it won’t be through a poem or a story that the words are used. Instead, this simple missive, not about love or about peace, but simply, about life, about this “Wahnsinnsabenteuer”! Yes, an amazing adventure.
As you know, a few days ago, Tykhe moved her rudder and with it, the possibility for a new voyage, and maybe, a new endeavor came for me. I fell from a vertiginous height as I read the few words that might change all that I had planned. Suddenly, my mind became a “mariposa”, a butterfly, going from one dream to another, with only one certainty about my future: the fact that there is none. The news had me surprised, worried, filled with euphoria, and with each fresh morning breeze, I reflect, accept and wonder. Un soupir… What will happen?
Mr Vigues, I am sure will not mind that of his name I make a “vague”, a wave that carries me, a wave that reminds me that the ocean is filled with lots of her best friends. Slowly, as the intensity of the first shock lessens, I start to understand. Life will throw many things at you. What matters is not what it throws, but rather, how you catch it, and how you play with it, which wave you choose to follow.
As I was travelling, I saw the old and the young, searching for the old Constantinople. Whole generations, lost and yet hopeful. I search not for something lost and gone. Seneca told us that “We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.” Peter, I do not want to be frightened. I refuse to believe that the white “nuage” of happiness that I had created in my head, is also the dark cloud that will bring me down. As I sit at this “terrasse”, eating a croissant (or was it a pancake?!) I wonder how I will make it to New York if fate plays “l’enfant terrible”.
I think about what we have already overcome and I am suddenly conscious that my “volonté”, my will can make it work. The move, the way it runs in my head is a process of photosynthesis. I absorb the light, the energy from around me and use it… Inflection after inflection, the change happens and the “musique” can start playing, the star shines again and life, well, life goes on.
Lucy, Benedict, all the friends I see tell me about alchemy, about serendipity, they tell me that one must be authentic, that one must continue to dream, (rêver…) and so, I keep my motivation. I stay with my beliefs, with my values. “Nomade, mais jamais clandestine", I will find a way to get there. This rhinoceros, this giant that stands in my way becomes a tame poodle in front of my tenacity. I will be a witness of the Bushwick gentrification!
A (neu)romancer at heart, I turn off the radio, put on a gentle sound of Spanish “guitarra” and I rest my mind, à la fenêtre… A song in Italian follows... “Ti amo”, it whispers. I let my thoughts wander, “papillonner” and I form a clear vision in my head of what it is that gives me happiness. “Prosperidad”? No. “Amitié”? Yes. "Générosité”? Yes. Peter? Yes. I close my eyes, and I long for your presence. You’re here.
We are lucky Peter, we are lucky because we know that the wonder of life, la “merveille”, is not at all a wonder, nor a secret. Life is our grande aventure, it’s all about how we decide to explore and discover. We are lucky to know this.
When this project started, I had no idea where it was going. Today, as I write this, I understand why I undertook it. Through talking to strangers, through having to think carefully about how to use their words, I have had to reflect on my situation. I have had to reflect on how I want to take what life has just thrown at me. I have no idea how it will end. In a couple of weeks, I could either be safe and secure, in a lovely job in a lovely place or I could have a whole blank page in front of me, ready to be written. Today, as I write this, I am able to accept that both would be a wonderful continuation of this grande aventure.