Today, as I stood in front of my bookshelf wondering which books I was going to keep and which I was going to give away, plenty of mixed feelings came through. I would pick up a book and shout to myself “Oh no! Not THIS one!” and I’d put it back on the shelf… I was startled by how quick and in a way, how violent my reaction was.
This made me ponder: “Why am I so attached to this object?”
I realized that I didn’t want to give books that I hadn’t read for years! Some of these books had traveled from France to England, to Spain, to the Philippines, back to France and then to Hong Kong. And in all that time, 18 years in total, I hadn’t actually opened them! What is wrong with me wanting to keep these?!
I quickly realized that it wasn’t the book itself I was attached to. It was the memories attached to it. The stories behind how I got this book, what happened when I read it, whether it changed me in anyway: THAT was what was important about the book. But I also came to think that these stories are mine, they are with me, in my head and heart, and these stories shouldn’t mean the end of a book’s life.
I agreed with myself that by giving away this book, I was giving away a little of my story, but at the same time, I wasn’t losing the story.
I then agreed with myself that by giving away this book, I was gaining a new narrative: an interaction with a stranger. That was worth all the paper in the world. After I’d made these two agreements, giving the books away was much easier!
And so, I started thinking about attachment again and why I surround myself with objects. I could not find a valid answer to this question. I kept going deeper and deeper and realized that all the objects were a story, one that was with me. I didn’t need the physical object to remember it. A picture of it would do! While the value of the memory as a building block for who I am is undeniable, the paper could never translate it.
Why then, was I unable to give away the books that were given to me? I worked out that these connect me to people, and I think that by giving away those books, I would probably hurt those who had given them to me. I am now in a new quandary! I’ll let you know when I’ve worked it out!
Thanks for being a part of this!
This made me ponder: “Why am I so attached to this object?”
I realized that I didn’t want to give books that I hadn’t read for years! Some of these books had traveled from France to England, to Spain, to the Philippines, back to France and then to Hong Kong. And in all that time, 18 years in total, I hadn’t actually opened them! What is wrong with me wanting to keep these?!
I quickly realized that it wasn’t the book itself I was attached to. It was the memories attached to it. The stories behind how I got this book, what happened when I read it, whether it changed me in anyway: THAT was what was important about the book. But I also came to think that these stories are mine, they are with me, in my head and heart, and these stories shouldn’t mean the end of a book’s life.
I agreed with myself that by giving away this book, I was giving away a little of my story, but at the same time, I wasn’t losing the story.
I then agreed with myself that by giving away this book, I was gaining a new narrative: an interaction with a stranger. That was worth all the paper in the world. After I’d made these two agreements, giving the books away was much easier!
And so, I started thinking about attachment again and why I surround myself with objects. I could not find a valid answer to this question. I kept going deeper and deeper and realized that all the objects were a story, one that was with me. I didn’t need the physical object to remember it. A picture of it would do! While the value of the memory as a building block for who I am is undeniable, the paper could never translate it.
Why then, was I unable to give away the books that were given to me? I worked out that these connect me to people, and I think that by giving away those books, I would probably hurt those who had given them to me. I am now in a new quandary! I’ll let you know when I’ve worked it out!
Thanks for being a part of this!
I'm happy to receive any comments you may want to make on the project itself or on your book :)